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Feb. 10th, 2008

Water

 

Water is a blank slate

 Anything can make it sweet

 

Maybe it was given to you by a friend, or someone special,

Someone you don’t understand,

Any more then why the water they gave you tastes different than any you have ever tasted

And why it only tastes special

When there is no food to block it out, or distort its purity

Purity, unadulterated by confusion, no questions and confusions

When life has become nothing but questions and confusions

 

Maybe you were laughing when you sipped the water,

And each time you drink that water you taste that laugh

 

And maybe

Maybe you were alone and lonely and sad

But that sip of water was worth another’s company

Embodying the answers and none of the questions

Not the answers you are seeking

But the answers you already know and cannot always believe

 

 

However much you may want to

Aug. 29th, 2007

College :(

I really don't know what to say, except that after only five days I'm failing college life miserabley, I'm a really annoying roomate I can tell, I mean I try not to be but i get the feeling that I'm now a much more annoying person then I was, or judgine that by the way that no one seems to want to talk to me, or they just look at me like they pity me or will catch weird if they stay with me for too long.

Also apparently college students don't play children's card games (haha little abridged refrence for you there)
ollege life, I mean they've pretty much assured me I'll never be alone with a guy in my dorm, drink, go to a party, or pretty much anything of that kind.  I was lucky in high school,I had plenty of friend who had no interest in that sort of thing, but they make that sound like it's Impossibkle to avoid that sort of thing
Whatever, I can't concentrate, I'm freaking out, can't concentrate on my homework and I'm the ugliest girl in my dorm, maybe that's why everyone looks at me that way, I hate it here for now, I'm trying to tell me it'll get better

Aug. 7th, 2007

Hairspray

Just saw hairspray LOVED IT!!!!

you just wanted to sing and dance throught hte whole thing, and tracy is totally my hero, I know what it's like for weight to do that to your life but she still managed to get a guy like that

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Zac effron, he was so adorable in this movie I just wanted to pass out in every scene

anyway loving pennsylvania, shopping, hanging around, writing, organizing, more junk than i can eat, and everything.  new eureka has been tivod and I intend to check it out

I'm even getting used to Catie, that's taken some work, trick is not to internalize everything, I'm finding out that's hru about a lot of things in life

And he has dissed me for the last time, bye , forever

Jun. 17th, 2007

SEE I am updating!!

how many time have I mentioned him in this blog, more often then I'd like, how often do i think about him? even more. it all just stems from not knowing, that's always what kills me, not knowing i have one more day to learn, and hopefully to understand.

 now also, brunch with my grandparents, that really stinks, pappap has cigarette breath and he always looks at me in a weird way.  patty always fusses over me and they always ask me all these questions, while i will be trying my hardest to not only be ignored, but keep from being bored, not at ALL an easy feet, usually a good notebook will do the job I KNEW it was a good idea to bring my journal, if i sit on a corner next to allyn,, I will not have a problem

I miss Hanna,, and I'm gonna miss ester and Casey and everyone else whose gonna leave for the summer, especially when I'll hardly ever see any of them in the fall you know what galadriel said

"the world is changing, i feel it in the water, i smell it in the air, all that once was is lost, for none now llive who remember it"

to tired to be any more deep then that ttyl

Jun. 5th, 2007

i enjoy seeing where this leads

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

May. 19th, 2007

bored on a firday night

I can't believe she was busy, we always have our saturday nightsm, maybe she got tired of waiting I KNEW I shouldn't have watched that movie, who am I going to tell these stories to now?

dream girls was just a little too real for my taste, I like my fiction to seem like actual fiction, escapism and that sort of thing.  preferably with aliens involved.

I overate, didn't study, and blew my last chance to tell him how I feel.  yeah I've had a very productive couple of days.  this sux.  I mean really GEEZ!!!!!!

anyway, I'm in my room, doing nothing, alone, bored depressed and empo, yeah very emo.  in case you hadnb't guessed lol

now to IM people, maybe that'll cheer me up

May. 15th, 2007

gotta love heroes, gotta love heroes, gotta love heores

seriouslyu, you really do, and NO ONE is mourning the loss of linderman, trust me, but DL definatley.  DL was a cool character, but the picture of underused, I marked him as an expendable from the beginning.  although the way he killed linderman was VERY cool, and I really loved that Nikki one the battle, as long as she gets to keeo the super strength.

So who's gonna explode, Peter or Syler.  or maybe both lol, since neither have a black flag of death hanging over them, in fact I'd say they have a guarenteed ride to season 2, them, Hiro, CLaire, and probably nikki, though that's debatable.  to think, for awhile I actiuually thought HRG was full fledged good.  He should just kidnap Molly and do good things with her.  Mohinder would probably like that, not to mention he would get to be cute with her more.  Mohinder has a pretty good chance of surviving till season 2

possible expendables are Ando, HRG, Matt, the haitian, (who hasn't been seen for awhile, now that i think about it)

anyway time for abridged, nice to post an un-emo entry cya!

my mind is not in it

Ok, now to give mself a pep talk

Geez Kelsey, stiop obsessing over ideas, stop reliving each moment, nothing good is coming of it.  Either try to make something of it and tell him how you feel, or settle for being just friends, no need to repeat any past expieriences, and by the way you have a built in excus not to work USE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

go back to the cafeteria and talk about, movies, but not music

Where do i go
every direction seems to be against the flow
and who will i be
and what odes it mean to just be me

so so true, 

pep talk over, god I HATE CRAMPS

NOW  I'll go, be bacl later

god I feel sick

I barley ate anything today, why do i feel like my stomach's about to explode.  I really should be working on my math projetc, but I will.  trust me i intend to do that in a moment, now I feel like talking.  

I get so scared when I see him now and I start babbling liek an idiot.  now I have an excuse to stay her, I actually do have work to do.  I mean, we had a great ime, he was really sweet and funny and understanding and gentlemenly.  Why do I suuddenly fereze up so badley that I can barley form a coherent sentance in front of him, but right now, my stomach is YECH. so it's best to leave well enough alone.  I'm in for a busy week.  I have to finish my independent study as well as the math project and that thing for behavioral science, ok, I should be doing those things now.  so I will ttyl

May. 11th, 2007

GEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad, seriously do you have bipolafr disorder or something, I mean seriouslyy wjhat was that all about last night.  everyone knows that half teh fun of working at a cclothing store is the employee discount, it's not a matter of NEEDING clothes, its a matter of SHOPPING dear god, you just dont't get it,

and we don't arguie, yeah you just keep telling yourself that dad, keep up your little dilusional world were everything fitst in your pefrect little worlfd of rules, lies and honestey, I hate you, I love you, but I hate you and I can't rememeber ever being this mad.  I'm already in therapy becasue of you and I'll probably be in a physicatric ward noew, I'm sorry I'nmm such a giganto dissapointment odf a daughter.  If I had my way I woudn't even come home today, or for that matter ever, 

you act as if I have no other parents, you're being sso damn utterly ridiclous, and stupid and annoying and ridiclous and annoying, you are not a single parent, anything of value I learned about anything, I learned from my mother, she and I have an awsome relationship

Why are you being so irational about the prom pictures, what is the big fraking deal, I hate you so much right now, EVERYBODY goes to theior forends houses before prom EVERYBODY you're lucky I'm not drinking there, HA that would show you

You know what else woyuld showe you, if I tiold the truth all the time.  If I told the trruoth all the time, you would see why I lie, it's as much for your benefit as for my own.  and uf your not careful, I may start this policy.  you'd besorry then.  we go an aftdrnoon without fighting and that is exactly what I will do dad, deal with it.   and now to go to my guidance counselor, and call that number,AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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